Meet Heather

I’ve been wanting to share my testimony in a group setting for a long time but haven’t.  I’ve shared bits and pieces and I’ve only felt led by the spirit to share the whole thing once before! I’ve had requests to share on several occasions and I’ve held back because the whole truth wasn’t out yet. Up until May of this year I was still holding back some important details from my husband that were definitely keeping me in bondage! Now that the whole truth is out I feel like I can share with a clear conscience so here goes… Some of you know me and some of you know of me. My wild days started in the 8th grade. I was more physically mature than my brain was and I became sexually active and snuck out often…I thought I was in love.  When I met my husband I had already had a couple of “partners” and more baggage than any 9th grader should. Our relationship was up and down to say the least! My wildness was increasing from promiscuity to drugs and alcohol…I ended up getting pregnant and marrying my husband and moving when I was 16. We never really went to church unless we were visiting home and it was easy to ignore the conviction. We were pretty happy the first year of marriage and then I had to do clinicals for college. I  got out in the real world and got enticed by compliments. I had my first affair with many more to follow. Between moves and different jobs different relationships were a constant. I knew deep down that what I was doing was wrong but I was addicted to the attention. We finally started going to church because we wanted our son to be in church. We were invited by a friend that my husband worked with and I got convicted and involved.  I started volunteering and helping serve meals at the lighthouse mission but that didn’t change how I was living. It helped to make me feel less guilty…. Or so i thought…It actually created an internal battle. I finally came to a point where I realized I had to come clean.  I didn’t want to wait to get caught.  I truly wanted to change but didn’t know how and I felt like either way my marriage would be over. I confessed and experienced not only the grace of God but the grace of my husband. It wasn’t easy!  I realized how much I loved him and had hurt him and I promised to change. He forgave me and we decided to try for another baby. End of story… ha ha just kidding. Working through infidelity and infertility is no joke.  He wanted to go to counseling and I refused. I convinced him we just needed each other. We slowly started drifting away from church and our relationship was tense. I had so much guilt and tried to handle it on my own instead of letting go of the pride and letting God do the healing. We talked of divorce often and the packet stayed in the top of the closet so we could pull it down whenever we fought. Which was often. When you’re that stressed out it becomes visible to people in your life. In my case the wrong people. The enemy pounced and the puffy eyes, the lack of sleep, the irritated tone of voice, amongst other things became a concern for more than one person I worked with. The enemy pounced and I got in way over my head. My life was a mess.  This time it was different. Before it was fun.  Now it was awful I had instant regret and just wanted to escape. I knew it was wrong and I hated myself for backsliding!  My physical and emotional health were deteriorating rapidly. My husband had wanted another baby since our son was born and we had been trying on and off for 5 years. That’s it I thought.  I’ve just got to get pregnant.  How else am I going to get away from this job and fix this marriage? We ended up visiting a new church and I was in a place of brokenness and desperation. We gave all we had to the seed faith offering. I have to stop and make something clear. God and giving is a sensitive and sacred subject.  You can’t just give a certain amount so that you get what you want.  God sees your heart. He knows your motives and this time I had a truly repentant heart and a genuine desire to know Him more. Through that offering I received more than I could ever imagine.  I received instant physical healing and the road to emotional healing began. Since then we have had two more children and have been blessed in countless ways. I went through deliverance and broke unhealthy soul ties I can honestly say I didn’t feel like my husband needed to know I had cheated again. I had confessed to God and truly repented so that was enough right?  Wrong.  I feel like I’ve delayed blessings and I’ve allowed myself to be tormented by my past. God speaks to me through dreams fairly often.  Not long ago I had a dream.  I knew almost instantly what it meant but I wanted confirmation.  Like God if this really is you you’re gonna have to have a live person tell me too because I don’t want to hurt my husband again by dragging up the past. But…I received confirmation and told him. Was it easy for either of us?  No.  But it has freed us both and allowed me to share with you today.  Sunday our pastor talked about slander and how to overcome. You have to plant yourself in the house of God. I realized the reason I hadn’t shared my testimony yet… It would have been full of content without context. Could and has God used our bits and pieces? Yes! God can use all things for His glory! But how many more lives could we have witnessed to already if I would have said yes to counseling and staying grounded in church? I can say I’m very thankful for people God used in our lives during our time of possible separation. My husband and I both had friends who chose not to slander the other spouse. Did my husband deserve better than a cheating wife?  Of course he did but his true friend and follower of Christ didn’t put me down. Be that kind of friend. No matter how much you want to throat punch your best friends husband etc. Know that there are two sides to every story and your best friend isn’t perfect. I was very guilty of complaining to my friend about my husband but never once mentioned I was cheating.  Did she tell me to dump him?  Nope.  She always said something like… “Well maybe he’s just this or that. Choose to pray and look to God for answers. The world will misguide you!  Stay rooted in the word and with fellow believers and don’t let the enemy convince you that you can do it yourself!”

Thank you SO much Heather for sharing your beautiful journey. I truly love how the Lord turns all of our messes into our message. Your journey will bring other women that have or are struggling in this area some hope today. I can relate with you in more than one way. I love how God uses us & His best testimonies are often told through the messiest of messes. You are faithful. You are a beautiful woman of God. I pray many more blessings over you, your husband & those precious babies. Thank you for being raw & real & sharing what most wouldn’t! Love you & happy to call you friend 🙂