Before I dive into this list of things I feel like Motherhood has taught me I want to stop and say, “I am so sorry”
I know there is a grieving woman out there today still praying for her miracle baby and waiting for the day she will be called “Mother”. I know there is a heartbroken gal out there that is experiencing her first Mothers Day without her mother. And I just want you to know, “I AM SO SORRY”
I don’t want to act like I know the exact pain of either, my mother is still alive and I have four children. But I do know pain. I know loss. I have grieved and mourned the loss of two precious babies leaving this world to open their eyes to Jesus. It’s as real today as it was the moment it happened.
To the sweet and precious girl just waiting to be a Momma, I am praying God comforts you today. I am praying you allow yourself to grieve. Don’t bottle up your feelings, don’t try to put on a fake smile, to pretend to be okay. Allow yourself to be sad, to feel, and to hurt. Do not isolate, especially from your spouse. Lean into him and most importantly, lean into Jesus. I am praying you become the Mother you desire to be, however His will would allow. I pray you find joy in the midst of a sad and hard season and I pray you have people that love you, and do it well
To the gal that is walking into her first Mothers Day without her Momma. I pray Gods word fills all the places of your heart that are mourning. I pray that people love on you. I pray you find joy in celebrating her life she lived. I pray God gives you memories you didn’t even know existed, He floods your mind and heart with nothing but, great reminders of how amazing she did Motherhood and that you get to feel joy in the midst of your heartache today.
We all have our different stories. We have all felt heartache and pain in some shape or form. Let’s acknowledge and pray for those that are in it today!
I became a Mother at 22, to my first born and only daughter; Preslee. I will never forget when she was 10mths old and just beginning to crawl, I took a pregnancy test. I would become a Mother again at 24, to my firstborn son; Blain. Preslee and Blain are exactly 18mths apart. I want to say I feel like I had twins but, I am sure a Mother of twins would tell me I have no right to even compare. And I can accept that.
After Preslee and Blain, we thought we were done having kids. I mean we had what everyone else told us was “perfect”. We had our girl and our boy, we should be done. Honestly, I believed that for a few years and having two kids in diapers was exhausting. So, we were good. But, after a few years go by and you let your mind erase all the really hard days, your baby fever creeps in.
We began to try to have another baby. It took one whole year before we finally got pregnant with our Kanon Kash. So, after three we really thought we were done. I mean you see some families with three kids, anything after that though, well… here come the crazy looks!
We were good with our three for a few years. Then here comes the baby fever. This time though, I didn’t want to carry the child. Being honest here, I don’t enjoy pregnancy too much. I do however LOVE labor and delivery! Like if I could just labor and deliver I would have a dozen… it’s the whole 9mths before I don’t do well with. I have a tiny torso so pregnancy is just very uncomfortable for me, especially with 8lb. babies! Anyways, we had decided we would begin the foster to adopt process.
Well the day before I got the email confirming our new journey I also got a positive on a pregnancy test.
So, God had a different plan.
I was 6 weeks when I lost that baby. You can read all about RIGHT HERE & PT 2 HERE. After being pregnant for those few short weeks and experiencing the life and death of our child it was laid heavy on my heart to have a baby. We got pregnant again! 10 weeks into that pregnancy we experienced our second miscarriage. You can read about that journey HERE.
After two heartbreaking losses we decided to just lay it all down and just accept maybe our family was just suppose to stay how it is.
But God had a plan.
After laying it all at His feet, we were pregnant. Rush Roman Reaves, the calm after the storm, entered the world in 2016 and our family was complete.
Romans 8:26 is a scripture I cling to in hard times, maybe it will bring you some peace today as well. In my own words- it reminds me God sees and knows all. That when I do not have the words, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. I can show up completely empty handed, with nothing and my tears and heartache are enough,
So, as a Mom of four babies here and two with Jesus here are a few things I have learned.
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Put Christ at the center. You can’t and don’t want to do this alone. You will need Him to guide and direct you. You will need grace and mercy like He gives. You will need His word and His truths to ring louder than anything else when you are in the trenches and the valleys.
- Find Community. Another way to not do this alone. Find people that believe what you believe and that are raising their children the way you want to raise yours.
- Find value in making memories and seeing places as a family. Not just buying everyone a bunch of things.
- You’ll have really good days and really bad days.
- Don’t just say “I’m Sorry”, ask for forgiveness. I think it’s SO important for my kids to know I mess up and I do the wrong thing, a lot. Therefor, I need their grace and their forgiveness just as much as they need mine. And that’s what Jesus freely gives us.
- I’m learning yelling get’s me NO WHERE. This is one thing I truly dis-like about myself. I raise my voice a lot. I need to pray more for God to help me to be slow to anger.
- I am out-numbered. I remember when we had Kanon, someone said, “Well you’re officially out-numbered” I remember not thinking too much of it in that moment. Then one summer we walked to our neighborhood pond and Preslee and Blain were attempting to fish, hooks were flying in the air and Kanon was screaming and trying to stand up in his stroller. I remember looking at Ricky in that moment and remembering those words… “You’re out-numbered” and ever since then I knew those words to be true.
- Nothing I do, good or bad can mess up Gods plan for each of my children. I’m not that good. And I’m not that bad.
- Kids spell LOVE… T-I-M-E! Be present. Sit down your phone and spend quality time with your children.
- My words speak life or death. I refuse to tear my kids down, especially in a public setting, with my words. I have witnessed this WAY too much in childrens sports. It’s heartbreaking to witness these little babies getting completely torn down by adults on a baseball field… I mean they’re 7! It’s not the World Series. Speak life! Use discernment. There is a time and a place for everything. Screaming degrading comments across a baseball field for all to hear are doing my child, nor yours, ANY good.
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BONUS- ALWAYS FORGIVE QUICKLY AND SAY I LOVE YOU! This has been SO big for our home! We have one of those “Free Spirit” children. He’s absolutely amazing and beyond intelligent. We just have to re-direct a lot right now in this season. Something that has been a game changer for our home is dealing with the issue right then and there and then dropping it. For example: If our child got in trouble at school we dragged it out all night long. Like sit in your room for 5hrs. Don’t move. Don’t even breathe. Then sometimes we would even bring yesterdays trouble into the next day. I mean it was like it never ended. Until one day the VP of our school said, pray, deal with it, forgive, and MOVE on. This was HUGE! So, now… If one of the kids gets in trouble- we pray, we give the consequence, we forgive, and then we immediately MOVE ON. Has made life SO much easier on us all!
I am sure I could keep going. These are just some MAJOR ones I have learned these last few years that I felt lead to share! I could write a whole post on raising boys alone. Preslee has always been my easy going gal. She is by no means perfect but, the day homegirl gets a real tally will be a day full of tears. So, raising boys has been such a growing and learning experience! But man it’s SO fun! And I sure do love all of my people, I pray as they grow they know that.
I pray they know I am giving it my absolute best and believing God is filling in all the gaps and areas I lack!
I love being a Mother, I praise God I get to shepherd His children.
And I pray, again, for all those grieving today. When you feel short of breath, you can’t find the words, and the pain feels unbearable. Read Romans 8:26 and remember He knows. Your tears are enough.
I love you.
I pray for you!
And all will be made new.
Happy Mothers Day!
Photos- The Amazing DEBORAH FAITH PHOTOGRAPHY
